How to Safely And Securely Have Sexual Intercourse In Space

How to Safely and Securely Have Sexual Intercourse in Space
An Instruction Manual For Selected Breeders


GREETINGS, my fellow man, and welcome to the Center of Habitation and Genetic Survival (CHGS)! 

We are pleased to have you with us and hope that you will feel welcome in asking any questions, posing any concerns, and coming to us with any problems you may have. Remember, we are here to accommodate you and to make sure you feel the highest amount of comfort in living, working, and testing in our facilities. 

Congratulations! You have been selected from over 100,000 human beings which we shelter in Sector G4 for genetic replication! It is an honor and a privilege, and you should take it as such. You are the last chance for the human race, and are an integral part of our survival. For your service, we are eternally grateful. We speak on the behalf of the entire human race. 

You may be thinking: Why was I assigned this menial position? Aren’t I worth more? What about your buddy who was assigned a place in the Sciences for Herbal Renewal, or your cousin who was added to the Radiation Reduction Committee?

All logical questions, my friends, but see, they are the ones who should be envious of you! You are part of the genetically superior subset of the human race – so much so, in fact, that we have selected you to be one of the breeders! 

A breeder is an honored and distinguished job, a job of the greatest sacrifice for our race. As a breeder, you can walk around with pride knowing that you are the future of humanity, and that your actions will ensure our survival for the millennia to come. 

What does this job entail? As you well know, Earth and Mars have now become unfit for procreation or habitation because of intense radiation. The radiation will cause a newborn to be prematurely aborted within twenty-two (22) days of being conceived. In the rare case that this does not occur, the child will be born with an extremely high likelihood of birth defects, the mildest of which include epilepsy, mental retardation, bone dystrophy and anemia.

Clearly, this is an unfit place for procreation, and, as such, we are forced to seek alternatives. At the moment, the only viable alternative for safe human reproduction now exists in the vast openness of dead space, where radiation cannot travel fast enough to affect the newborn when using modern scientific acceleration techniques. 

You may think: Why don’t we just procreate on the moon? After all, it is where we live and thrive! Why can’t we have normal lives like before, with nuclear families, thanksgiving dinners and baby showers? Many people cling on to the past in this way, and understandably so. The truth is, life still is not normal. We must make necessary changes to the way we live, the way we eat, the way we drink, and now, the way we procreate, in order to ensure the highest probability of survival. 

It is simply the only way to foster longevity, and you are the forefront! The survival of the human race now lays on your shoulders! You are fighting the good fight! So, do not envy your friends in the sciences, in the environmental reduction sector, or even in extraterrestrial economics. They will make small strides at best. You, as a breeder, will increase our chances of survival exponentially every day in which you do your job. 

Remember, if you have any concerns, questions or comments please refer to your sector leader, who will be leading a discussion approximately two (2) hours before your first insemination. 

Now, for the more formal procedures. 

At the top of this manual, labeled FOR RECEPIENT, you will find your indexing code. This code is crucially important to your duties. Each day you will be assigned an indexing code. The first four letters indicate the sex of the selected breeder, GEN-M for male and GEN-F for female. The number represents the pairing unit. GEN-M4 will pair with GEN-F4, GEN-M5 with GEN-F5, and so on. 

We are sorry to say that we cannot accommodate any changes to this system at this time. All breeders must perform the procedure with their selected counterpart. This is because you and your partner have been specifically selected to create the greatest and most adaptive genetic combination possible. We determine this by filtering your genomes through our breeding amplification process. The person who shares your number, whether you think they’re fitting as a sexual partner or not, is the most advantageous and well-fit mate both for the survival of your offspring and for the survival of the human race. 

However, in certain situations requests can be made to have a particular pairing unit in the future, and we will examine whether or not it is a genetically superior fit. This process will take approximately thirty-seven (37) weeks on average. The likelihood of the pairing being accepted is very low, however, leveling off at just about the one per-cent mark. We are very sorry that we cannot accommodate most of your requests, but it is for the betterment of our entire race that we uphold such strict standards.

After you receive your indexing code for the day, you will be paired with your partner and allowed a twenty (20) minute interim in which you introduce yourself and indicate any personal preferences and discomforts in the process which will help in ensuring proper insemination. 

Remember, we are doing this for procreation, not pleasure! Do not discuss any positions or preferences which will slow the act of insemination. As long as it does not slow the act, which should take approximately 3-5 minutes based on a normal distribution of male ejaculation samples, you may participate in any pleasure-seeking actions you may like. The maximum allowed time for insemination is seven (7) minutes. If you exceed this time, the procedure will be at risk and disciplinary action will be required. Please discuss this and any other concerns you may have with your partner during this interim time. 

After the interim, you will be given your radiation, oxygen, and nutrition suits – or R.O.N suits, for short). Each R.O.N suit provides protection from any radiation you may encounter, up to forty-thousand (40,000) REM. They will also provide oxygen that will ensure survival for up to twenty-four (24) hours after departure from the zoning vehicle. 

Each R.O.N suit comes fully equipped with one full-sized meal which will be administered directly to the stomach using our automated nutrition technology in case of an emergency. It is unlikely that it will be required, but given any outlandish circumstances the nutrition system will ensure that you will be able to survive long enough to be rescued. This process will not hurt. There are no incisions or direct cuts into the stomach lining. The process will only create around 20 REM, which will be counteracted by the R.O.N suit. Despite what some of our longer lasting associates may believe, there are absolutely no risks involved in the nutrition procedure. 

The R.O.N suits are quite bulky, and will require constant maintenance. It is your duty to ensure that the suit is clean, properly assembled, and efficient. The information on how to correctly set up your R.O.N suit is included on the back of this manual, entitled “How to Use and Maintain the R.O.N Suit Properly.” 

There are two models of the R.O.N suit, one labeled R.O.N-F and another labeled R.O.N-M. In addition, each suit is tailored to your particular body, and will allow for the correct depth and contact in order to ensure successful insemination. It is against code procedures to modify, tamper with, destroy, or alter the RON suit in any way.

After safely and securely getting into your R.O.N suit, you will go into the zoning pod. These pods have preselected routes which cannot be over-run manually. Do not attempt to change the destination or functionality of the zoning pods, as they are programmed to lock-down after any disturbance in their pre-prescribed code. The zoning pods will send you to the area which it is safest, in terms of radiation and exposure to gravitational pulls, to perform the procedure. 

Do not attempt to perform the procedure in the zoning pods. The zoning pods are not adequate in protecting the semen or ovum from contamination due to radiation. 

After you reach your destination in the zoning pod, you will exit the pod. You and your partner should hold hands and exit with your thighs adjacent to one another in order to avoid a floating separation. The R.O.N suit is specifically designed with magnetic pulses to pull the thighs of the two selected breeders to within one (1) foot of one another. 

It should be noted that extreme caution must be taken to ensure that no obstructions occur before the procedure begins. Although the zoning pod is specifically designed to avoid any obstructions in space, it is not foolproof. If there is any floating debris or any other disturbance, please say “help” into your intercom and you will receive assistance.

Despite what you may hear, there are no hostile extraterrestrial beings that are within range of our zoning pods that pose a danger to you. If any seasoned breeders should claim there is, please report it to room AS-54 immediately. We take these allegations very seriously.

Once you are within a safe distance from the zoning pod of around 10 meters, you may begin the insemination process. Insemination is now only possible through sexual intercourse. Past methods have become obsolete due to radiation, even in dead space. It is for this reason why you must have sexual intercourse in order to ensure successful insemination. 

When you and your partner are ready and able to perform intercourse, you should say “open” into your intercoms. The R.O.N. suit will then disable the latch attached to the area between your thighs. This will allow for the penis (for R.O.N-M) and vagina (for R.O.N-F) to be exposed in order to perform intercourse. 

The R.O.N suit is specifically designed to foster safe and efficient sexual intercourse. However, it can only stabilize an erection for a mean of twenty (20) minutes with a standard deviation of one (1) minute. In addition, it can only foster safe exposure of both female and male genitalia for a mean forty (40) minutes after initial exposure, with a standard deviation of two-and-a-tenth (2.1) minutes. Please take this into consideration if anything should go astray in the procedure. 

Another function of the R.O.N suit is the angle and placement of the genitals. The penis will be elevated around seventy degrees (70°) from the chest. This ensures the perfect angle for undercoming insertion into the vagina. Do not attempt to change the angle at which the penis is elevated, as this may cause dangerous and potentially fatal effects to the blood flow in the penis. 

On average, two people in dead space can only insert at a pace of four (4) thrusts per minute. However, the R.O.N. suit provides additional stimulation to the penis in order to allow it to ejaculate within the three to five (3-5) minute mark. Therefore, it should take no longer than seven (7) minutes to successfully inseminate the female partner in dead-space. 

After ejaculation has occurred, the first step is to de-expose the genitals. Say “close” into the intercom, and the R.O.N suit will automatically close the latch, and will also ensure safe retreat of the penis for R.O.N-M. 

At this point, the male counterpart will assist the female in pregnancy acceleration procedures. 

The female will say “begin acceleration procedure” into the intercom. This procedure is known as Safe Radiation Acceleration Therapy (or SRAT.) This will increase the rate at which insemination happens and which a fetus will develop. It will only take approximately one (1) hour for the child to be ready for delivery after sexual intercourse, assuming there are no complications. At this stage, there is around a sixty-three (63) per-cent chance that the baby will survive. 

If the R.O.N system says “failure,” then you must perform intercourse again. The SRAT will allow for at most four ovum to be generated in one day. Therefore, successful insemination has over a ninety (90) per-cent chance of occurring in one excursion. We are quite happy with these odds. If there are any complications, such as the inability to maintain an erection, please say “help” into your intercom and someone at the home base will assist you. 

If the R.O.N system says “success,” then your job is done. The male selected breeder will then assist the female back to the zoning pod. The female may experience side-affects such as nausea, irritability, anxiety, heart-palpitations or difficulty breathing. This is normal, but in order to ensure the safety of the child and the female selected breeder, the male will ask questions such as “can you breathe?” and “how are you feeling?” If necessary, the male selected breeder should connect his oxygen unit, a tube on the side of the arm, into hers in order to ensure safe arrival to the pod. 

Once the breeders are in the pod, the male selected breeder will position the female in an upright, crouched position over the Delivery System. The baby will then be extracted using a machine known as a dilator. Do not try to interfere with this process. Assuming it is done correctly, the baby will be extracted within ten (10) minutes. This process is not painful for either the female or the human child. The female will be injected with a sedative that holds no risk whatsoever. 

Any claims that this sedative is dangerous are false and misled allegations. If more seasoned associates attempt to convince you otherwise, please report it to AS-54 immediately. We take these allegations very seriously. 

The baby will then be transported in a separate pod, known as a delivery pod, back to the home base. You will travel back in the zoning pod to the home base, where you will be showered directly afterward and administered pro-active hormones. These hormones are 100% safe and will allow you to have up to four procedures done in a day. 

You will then begin this process over again, with an hour break between sessions. Your R.O.N suit will be resupplied. All female breeders will be medically examined to ensure no complications have risen. After everything is secured, a new zoning pod and zoning area will be determined and you will be sent out again.  

After two to four trials (2 to 4), depending on any complications, your day is done. Give yourself a pat on the back. You have performed your duty to the human race! 

We are pleased to have you on board, and please feel free to ask any questions or express any concerns during your introduction meeting, which will be two (2) hours before your first insemination. All of this will be detailed in full by your instructor. 

You are the true saviors of the human race. Without you, nothing else would be possible. 


Director of the Center for Habitation and Genetic Survival (CHGS)

Arthur Cromwell